I Like Thinking. I Think.

 

 

Last night, while thinking, I had a thought. (I hate it when this happens.) Here’s my thought (within a thought inside of a thought)  Humans are horribly troubled by pointlessness… it drives  us nuts.  We really need to believe that there is a point, a reason, a purpose, a meaning to life. The idea of some sort of afterlife fate that is shaped by what we do and how we do it and with whom we do it to/with inside this life is not only a crowd control mechanism used by the powerful, it’s also a common comfort for the ongoing, never ending, wake you up from a dead sleep pangs of pointlessness. But what if you don't take to any of those notions? From exactly where then, is your point?

Most animals seem to find the mechanics of life, the activity of staying alive.. just purpose enough. Kill or be killed kind of thing.  Human animals…well see, that’s a whole other beast.  In every damn sense of that word.  Staying alive is too easy for us to be a purpose, a point. We've been there. We've done that. If we've already mastered the meaning of life, what's left? Are we ever in the state of contentment or are we just always looking for the next point?  Even when we think we’re content? Hmph.

Now don’t get all up in a twist about the religion, the being, the politics of this post/rant…cause there ain’t  one.   Like I said earlier..I was thinking. Get it? THINKING.

Use your imagination. Dream your own purpose. Make up your own point. Just, you know, don't poke me with it. I'm just trying to survive over here and um…I’m trying to poke you.

TCB.

Later. Love.T.

Sometimes I go far away. 'Scuse meh.

I keep a part of myself far away. 

  A feisty gal  like me can only allow a fleeting exposure 'less I forget how to move around comfortably in my own life. I have to remember to come back, you know.. to tend to all these moving parts so to speak. Still, you might catch me from time to time looking as though I’m not listening.

          I might seem to be far away.

That’s because I am. I’m farther away than you can imagine.  I sometimes get all wrapped up in the motion of being in motion that I forget to take care of ME.  The brains of this operation.  So many times so many of us get to forgetting about the "me" in all of us. We're Moms and Dads and coworkers and coaches and friends and blah blah blah ( don't get your britches in bunch, I'm not saying those people are blah, it's just a figure of speech, yeesh)  We need to take the drivers seat, or backseat, however you chose to see the sights and just BE.

        Gawd, I sound like a hippie. Eh, so be it.

So, I've been here and there. I've not been a good blogger. I've been a damn fine note taker though.  (Maybe I'll blog about them later, maybe not)

I apologize that I cannot bring you with me, wait..am I really?  Not too terribly much 'cause really, you might mess with my flow, my train of thought, my confusion/brilliance.  But don’t worry. I won’t be gone long.

Friends, I hope you 're well.
Loves

Wordless Wednesday (sort of)

The most incredible thing about this man is that he has NO IDEA how incredible he is. 

Wooptie Woo...it's a list!

1) I used to wear neon (green, orange, pink) workout shorts and oversized t~shirts to school…and I thought they were awesome.

2) I’m a binge eater.

3) I’m unashamedly(is that a word?) good at getting my way…through any means necessary if it’s something I want badly enough. Always for good, never for evil.

4) I secretly (well, until now) had/have the biggest crush ever on Phil Collins.

5) I’m right handed only because my mother MADE me that way by any means she saw neccessary.

6) I  reallly wanted a Mazda Miata AND a '87 Chevy pick up when I was a Freshman in high school.

7) I’m one of those annoying movie quoters.

8) I resent my brother for our different childhoods.

9) I planned on being a magazine editor when I grew up.

10) I used to have a friend back in the day that had dimes braided into her hair.



 

"And that's all I have to say about that"

Old cookbooks are rad

Behold, I give you Hot Dog a la Awesome.

                               



More than anything, I love old cookbooks not for the recipes, but for the pure awesomeness of the photos.

I mean, come on...can you imagine the expression on the faces of Hubs and Bubs if I were to serve this up tonight?

I'll give you a quick run down of ingredients though, just for S&G's...

All Beef Frankfurters

(none of that mixed up crap for MY family)

Brocolli Florets

 (for the vegetarian in your family)

Cabbage

(as if the hotdogs WEREN'T gonna give you the vapors)

Red Peppers

(For that lil pop of color)

Yeah, I think I'll stick to the simple, finer things in life...

A good ol' fashioned Spam and egg sammich :)

 

The Lady is a Tramp.

Love. Genius. Awesome.

If you don't like me, it's obvious you suck....

I realize that I am not every one's cup of tea.  I've not gone these closer to 40 than 30 years of my life with rose colored glasses on, people.
  I know that my laugh (hyuk hyuk hyuk) is um...loud.  I know that I talk fast and exhuberantly. As a matter of fact, I think a few people need to learn how to listen as fast as I talk. Kapeesh? Oops, off topic. 
Anyway, I'm a story teller. Not a liar...a story teller.  BIG difference.  So of course I'm gonna talk fast and a lot.

I have my opinions and I'm not scared to share them.  If you ask me if your butt looks big in those pants, I'm gonna tell ya the truth.  Can't handle the truth about yo' ass...don't ask me.

I wear my heart AND my faults on my sleeve.  (as my sissy Kari so sweetly pointed out to me, love her.)

This is where I'm getting...I think fairly high of myself.  I'm nice to lil old men and ladies.  I smile at everyone I cross paths with.  I treat people fairly.  I stick up for my lovies like I'm freakin' 10 feet tall and bulletproof.  I work hard.  I believe in Family first and always.  Oh, and by God don't you think for a second if you try to take anything away from the family of friends I've so carefully constructed, that I won't tear you a new hole...well, you just better step back cause I may be little but I'm ferocious. Try me.

Quite honestly, I could make this list of my "goodies" a bit longer but that's just boring and the list I'm cookin' up is funner.  Funner is a word, they use it in commercials so it's gotta be so, right? (I've always used funner just cause it's funner to say than more fun.)


These are the kinds of people that don't like me:

• terribly boring 
• lack a sense of humor
• heavily medicated
• icky
• don't laugh when someone gets nailed in the crotch
• have more money than sense 
• feel threatened because I have discovered what an asshat or twatwaffle they truly are
• did I mention boring and lacking a sense of humor
• un funny
• never ate chalk or paste as a child
• think their ish don't stink like boo boo
• have bad taste in music
• label their labels with labels
• don't drink enough drinky drink
• have never thought of where they could bury a body
• never had a sad day in their picture perfect world
• have a small penis but act/talk like they have a BIG one
• live in glass houses

I make this list all in fun. Even if it's true.  You can't make all the people happy all the time.  I just wanna try to help make my people happy all the time :) And if yousmypeople...I hope I just made yousdayfunner.

ps: Some people don't get why I writelikethissometimes.  If you don't get it, we need to chat more soyouwill. :)

WWMPD? Hmm?

What Would Mary Poppins Do? I find that asking myself this question in all the rounded corners of my life really does help.

 D is disappointed about us not buying another Nerf gun for him.

 Somebody is rude to me at work or Heaven forbid I get a human to help me whilst on the phone to some company that I've been on hold with for 152424bajillion minutes.

(Ok, fine...so I exagerate a little on the being kept on hold.. But just a little)

 Or it could be just one of those piss in my cheerios kinda days where nothing seems to go right for me.

 I just ask myself WWMPD? ;) I find I can then breath, straighten my back, smile, think kind, gentle and gracious thoughts and control the anger within.

(Insert semi evil laugh here..BAHAHAHA) 

 So, let's face it... No one can ever outwit Mary Poppins because she is fully in control and one step ahead of the game all of the time.  And if I choose to take it all with a *spoon full of sugar* surely, everything will be ok in the end and go down waaay easier. Right?

 Hell yeah.

Looks like it would taste like Lemon Hard Candy and....

While shopping/looking/yearning at a local antique store here in lovely Lawrence...I found lots of things that if I was a bit cooler and maybe a tad more FABULOUS, I would buy in a flash.     I saw things like this little vase/light/I have no idea what it is. I really would have bought it but really, I need nothing else to dust.  Anyway, I think it's absolutely GAW~GESS.

Makes me wanna lick it.

Hey Self..payafreakinttention AKA Keep Calm & Carry on

Let's have a sit down, shall we? Sit back and enjoy the view from wherever it is that your rump has landed.  Do everyone a favor and smile because you want to not because you have to.

Because sometimes you might just get it all. Even all the Ish that you don't really want but end up getting anyway, ha... Kinda like the random onion ring in your french fries bag.  No illusions (make-up) or tricks  (smiley faces at the end of a text just to make sure they get what your're meaning jusssst in case) Just you and yourself. And the rest of the world.

The passionate drum thump and tear jerking guitar strings swaying to the rhythm of what is now your fave-or-ite song. Even music sounds better somehow. Happy tears  ain't coming? Let them, damn it.  Life is beautiful. Even when it's a messy cluster of who's, what's, when's and where's. It's still beautiful.

And the more you feel it deep within you, the harder it gets to let it out. And the harder it is, the easier the meaning becomes. So much so that when confusion sets in, you simply screw it. The right way this time for Pete's sake. Hold up... Just who in the world is Pete anyway? Do it for your own sake.

Because what was once someone else's life is now yours. Because even though the journey has been long and the destination seems/seemed so far away, the truth is... you are on a high, a very natural high. (Ok fine...so  take a Prince Valium every once in a while)

The truth is, you don't want this train to stop. Not now. Not ever.

Okay, maybe someday. But not today...just not today.

Days went by

Back in December of 2009 I told you all a little story about Choices. If I had a bit more computer knowledge I would link you to that post but, eh, go fish.  Here we are, a year and half later and I'm giving you an update from a cozy little corner in a Lawrence Dillons cafe whilst sipping on an empty but the ice Starbucks iced coffee. 
 We did it! We had some trips, cries, hairpulls and a lot of chewed off nails but we did it. Just as planned..and holy hell when does that ever happen?! We made it through the Great Divide as I've just named it.  Chesney graduated with flying colors and I moved to Lawrence. Just like that. HA! If it were really that simple. Here's how it went...plus or minus.

I cried. A lot. Ches slept in my bed sometimes because I asked her to and sometimes because we were in the middle of a movie marathon. David and Dallas came home on some weekends and sometimes I headed North.  Chesney rebelled a bit, and hey, she deserved to, to some degree.  David got jealous because I had friends to keep me company and he didn't.  Dallas rolled with the punches cause he's incredibly cool like that. I prayed.

  I laughed. A lot. My friends rescued me.  My friends had no clue and that really pissed me off/made me happy.  David and I grew stronger in friendship, honesty and humor. Chesney had too much on her plate. Dallas knew more than we did.  David got depressed and reached out to me and his Momma. I wondered if we were gonna make it.

  My Dad made me smile.  My Aunt Angie prayed for us.  David worked his butt off. I hated my job. Chesney and I grew even tighter.  I lost my mind.  Dallas had us all in stiches. I stopped praying.

  We got money poor.  Our family got stronger. We got mentally rich.  I got way to used to sleeping without David.  Dallas lost 3 teeth. Chesney grew up.  I threw a fit. David cried. I started praying.

  I fell apart and picked myself back up.  We laughed.  I realized we were gonna make it.  Chesney cried. Dallas helped her laugh. We all got real busy. A friend hurt the hell outta me. Helping David helped me. And then.....

We made it. We flip friggin' made it!  Ches graduated one weekend and helped me move the next.  There's a lot of gaps in this story but I think y'all get the gist of it, and this was not all in order. All is pretty dang well, although man, do I miss that baby girl of mine.

Oh...and I'm used to sleeping beside David every night. Again. Finally.

IVCTL comin' right up

This is what Chesney and I lovingly refer to as IVCTL (Iced vanilla chai tea latte).  It's downright delicious and perfect for a icy summer treat.  I'm sure the hot version is just as good buttttt, why mess with perfection?  We used to get these for $4 bucks a pop at Starbucks and that was just ridiculous, I know. Our lil coffehouse, College Hill Coffee makes them yummy, too. But, I found this at my grocery store and it's not as sweet, I can mix it to my taste and I can have it any ol time I want.

And yes, I know it's been a while since I've been here or written anything.  You may be wondering about Chesney's Graduation, the big move to Lawrence, my mental state and blah blah blah....I'll get to all that at a later date as I'm still trying to get over the fact that all these things have finally?? happened.  In the mean time, I'll just keep it simple with silly little things like IVCTL. Drink up. :)

Adele-Rolling In The Deep

Can a voice get much better than this? No.

 

Take this day and LOVE it!!!

Oh Happy Daaay! I don't have anything deep to say, I have no story to tell.  I have no quip from Bubby. 

But...what I do have is this,

Today, this day, is GORGEOUS! It is sunny and warm and man, have I needed this day!
I am loving this day. I didn't do anything remarkable like cure male pattern baldness...what I did was breathe!

  I did laundry.  I played with my dog, Betty.

         I ate an English Muffin with a shmear of cream cheese. 

I drank lots of water.   I laughed.

I thought before I spoke.  I gave really good advice to myself.
I am patting my own back.

I screwed up, I fixed it.

    I sang aloud to songs I didn't know all the words to. I ran and no one was chasing me.  I didn't swat at the wasps... they have families, too.
I thought about giving myself grief about the cream cheese but thought better of it.

 I stopped to say HI! to a couple of dear friends.  I said a prayer.

I read a book instead of watching T.V.

I soaked up a lil sun. 

I didn't get mad when I was provoked. 
I made a plan.

  I cried. I paid a compliment and meant it more than they knew.

And...AND...The day is NOT over!!

I love today.  Everything about it has been exactly as it was to be.

Sara Bareilles - Uncharted

I really dig this song and the video makes me smile :)

*hint* Little boy blue...

The Avett Brothers - I And Love And You

Sometimes a song comes along that stops me right in my tracks. Like this one.

Shh. Listen.

Just feel like it... because it makes me really happy to think of it in my head, and I don't want to forget any of it: I am presenting My List of Favorite Sounds.

(In no particular order)

 

1. The sound of a guitar string as the hand playing it slides quickly across to reach another chord.

2. A fan lulling me to sleep. Every night for years and years.

3. The sound of a soft rain hitting the already plump ground.

4. Dallas' giggle. Infectious and pure.

5. The sounds of my sleeping children. Slow, rhythmic breathing.

6. Silence.

7. The hisspop of eggs frying.

8. The quiet hush right before a movie starts.

9. The sound of cicadas outside my window in the summer.

10. The bubbling of boiling water.

11. The sound you can hear when you block out the ruckus of a train: that rhythm of clickclack, clickclack.

12. The word Puma.

14. People speaking another language (French or Spanish only, please) so fast that all I hear is exoticity, flamboyance, elegance, and beauty.

15. When someone says I love you and you know they mean it more than the words.

16.  Rock Chalk Jayhawk chant.

17. The crackling of a fire, the flow of the Walnut River, and my family and friends laughing while at the Boxcar.

18. The sigh after my daughter laughs.

19. The beginning of a story I've heard my husband tell a million times.

20. A favorite song in it's first three chords.

That's all for now.

The post that has no title. Yet.

Ain't it funny how sometimes the family we were born in to, the society of that group, is the one thing about them that you dislike the most? It's funny though, how quickly I become irritated when someone from the outside levels criticisms against or mocks people I consider my people. Hate without love, I think, is what's wrong. Unless you have the love, the hate is ugly. When you have the love, when you can understand, when you've been there, your hate means something. The hate can be tragically beautiful.  Whoa, that was deep.


       What prompts this deep thinking, you ask? 

Well, lemme tell ya.  I had a dream last night.  I went to bed feeling quite content and calm.  I woke up at 3ish in the morning, hold on...rather I was WOKEN up by a horrible dream, and by horrible I mean I was being chased and my God, I hate to be chased. HATE. BEING. CHASED. (Did ya get that?)  It startled me so that I sat up and had to take a few deep breaths to resurrect the normal flow of oxygen.  So, I tried with great effort to calm down and drift off to sweet dream land. ( HA! Yeah, like that was gonna happen.)   Sooo, of course my mind starts going, running, bouncing and generally feels like it's gonna squirt all the nonsense I have in my brain all over the room. I start thinking about childhood, earliest memory to High School type stuff.  I started thinking about family.  The kind you're born into, the kind that is brought to you, the kind you find, the kind you build and the kind that finds you.  I have been and am a part of all those types of family. Hey, aren't we all?

                                                   You still with me in all this ramble?

The thing that stuck out the most last night as I was laying there thinking all over the place;
I have quite a  vivid picture of Louisiana—from the short time I lived there—is this species of large tree with great tangles of exposed roots. I'm not sure what sort of tree that was, but I always thought it was lovely and brave. I hoped someday I could show my roots so openly and proudly as that tree.
 
Can you see my roots? The gnarly ones ones that look battered and beaten?  How about the ones that look smoothed out by a soft rain?  Oh, and the lovely ones that look fresh and new? Even the ones that are hidden under some dirt?

I hope you can.  I'm proud of them all.

Oooh, me likey

I'm normally not much of a watch person as my wrist is pretty small and they tend to just not ever fit right, and I have a cell phone that tells perfect time...anyway, I digress.  I really really like this watch. First, it's white and I love white things. Crisp and clean, ya know. And second, I LOVE anything that has paisley in it. Bam! All in one right here. My BDay is coming up so this is kind of a hint to a loved one...ahem...hint hint :)

I'm not so tough...

I need to remind myself of this...It's ok if I crack every once in a while.  It lets the love in.