And one more thing...

I generally do NOT go over what I've written because I don't want to critique it and make it not real. I don't want it all glossy and perfect. I want it to read how I speak. Make sense? So the next time someone want to leave a comment about how something didn't "flow"...well, I'll put it this way, I don't DO flow. Not gonna happen. And please try to remember that this is MY blog and I'll not flow if I wanna.

:O)

Choices

"Honey, we need to seriously have a talk" It all started with that sentence. It wasn't about bills or who left the milk in the glass on the counter. It was about changing our lives. Wait a minute...I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I want to say this to make it sound like I'm not freaking out and the truth of the matter is how can I NOT be? Here's the deal, David misses Dallas. Like REALLY misses him. We have lived 3 hours away from him for a few years now and it has taken it's emotional toll. So the CHOICE we made was that David was going to move to Lawrence. We made the CHOICE that I would stay here til Ches graduates in 2011. Details? Too many to acknowledge on my little blog. But we have made this decision, this choice...and now it's time to get on with the gettin' on. I can't tell you how much it aches me. Or how much it warms me to know that my kids have a wonderful father that would do ANYTHING for them. I can't express the jealousy I have of non~blended families cause it's their blessing to be that way. I can't be just a bit excited to have the whole bed so I can sleep diagonally cause that would just be wrong. I shouldn't want him to miss me enough to just drop everything and drive the 3 hours back to me. I can't take out my frustration of how new and scary all this is on Chesney. She's just a kid trusting me to be her rock. I can't be mad at anyone and I want to be damn it. I can't call Kristen and tell her how blessed she is that her son has the best father in every way shape and form and that I'm a fine addition to his life as well because she isnt' "liking" me right now.
But here's what I'm gonna do..I'm going to make the very best out of all this for the next 18 months or so. I'm going to smile, be mad,sad or pissed, love and cry when I feel like it and not when I think I'm supposed to. Life is all about choices and changes and rollin' with the punches. So here's my gut check. Bring it.