Nerves of mush...

I'm a tough lil chica. Stop laughing. Seriously. Ok, maybe not ALL the time. See, the things is this...I'm a mess. Shhh. Don't tell anyone. I'm a mess because I'm feeling the most vulnerable I have in like, oh, forever. I'm not going to get into all the reasons why I think most days I'm pretty put together and have my wits about me. All I need to get off my chest right now is this, I'm scared. Scared that this wonderful reunion will somehow leave me feeling hmmm, what's a good way to put this? Maybe feeling something along the lines of coulda, shoulda, woulda. Makes no sense at all right? Yea, tell me about it. But see, the thing is this, I have a very large extended family that I'm anxious to see and reconnect with after 20+ years and the grown woman and the lil girl in me are having a battle. The grown woman knows that it's going to be beautiful and safe and loving and I'll have them all the rest of my life. That little girl is scared that it will all just vanish again and I'll be left trying to figure out what I did wrong yet again. Ok..this is sounding like a pity party and if you know me you know how I HATE that so I'll just say this in closing...Nerves of mush, get over it. I'm going to take a "big deep breath" (thank you Aunt Angie) and know that "it is what it is" (thank you Aunt Sherry) and that this is going to be INCREDIBLE and that I am loved and this is only the beginning. I'm in store for some awesome times.

WORD